近日，保送复旦的学霸黄恬静和她妈妈的故事，在网络上引发了热议……十多年来，黄妈妈为了女儿的学习放弃了单位旅游以及所有的同学、同事聚会，家里的电视机十几年都没开过。

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中国自古就有 “孟母三迁”的故事，到了现代，又有靠严厉管教把女儿送入哈佛的 “虎妈”。

很多中国妈妈为了子女的教育牺牲个人生活，把教育子女看作头等大事，母爱的牺牲精神的伟大和感人值得每一个儿女铭记，但是这样的母爱真的能帮助孩子健康成长吗？会不会造成什么不良的影响呢？

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以下是Global Times (Metro Shanghai)近期刊登的一篇评论，文中部分内容配有中文翻译。文末有小投票哟，欢迎大家参与！No need for Chinese mothers to abandon their social livesA touching story about a mother giving up all her social activities for the past 10 years to help her daughter focus on her studies went viral on social media recently. Huang Tianjing, a top student from Nanjing, capital of East China's Jiangsu Province, was admitted into Fudan University and exempted from a pre-admission exam. Her mother said this was a result of her spending all her free time with Huang over the past decade, completely forsaking her own social life and personal hobbies.

It is not uncommon for Chinese mothers to consider their children the most important - or even the only important - thing in their life. But I still want to express my serious misgivings about whether mothers should really put their own lives on hold in order to devote themselves to their children's upbringing.

大多数中国的妈妈们都把自己的孩子视作她们人生当中最重要的、甚至唯一重要的事情。妈妈们牺牲自己的个人生活，全身心投入到抚养孩子这件事情上，但是我还是很怀疑，妈妈们这么做究竟有好处吗？

Oftentimes in modern Chinese society, children feel that they are not studying for themselves but for their parents. I speak from experience as a 20-something university student in Shanghai. We no longer are studying out of our own curiosity and interests, but rather out of fear. Fear that we may disappoint our parents, who hope we will succeed and become above-average. How can one possibly study well or live happily under such immense pressure to please someone else?现在很多小孩觉得学习不是为自己，而是为了父母；不是出于兴趣和好奇心学习，而是迫于压力，害怕他们会让父母失望（他们总是希望我们能成功）。在这样巨大的压力下，他们怎么可能好学习，更不可能无忧无虑地生活。A mother's devotion may even prevent her child from having his or her own friends.One who grows up in a family where parents constantly hover over them like a helicopter probably has no free time to socially engage with other kids their age.

母亲无微不至地关注还可能导致小孩没有自己的朋友，父母像直升飞机一样时刻在上面关注孩子的一举一动，孩子可能都没法与同龄人交流。

I have noticed that my nephew, who is 6 years old, clutches onto her mother and shies away from other children at family functions. He seems discouraged from interacting with anyone his age, as he is used to depending on his parents for conversation and stimulation.

Worse still, this sort of anti-social behavior becomes amplified as the child grows older. By the time they enter university, many such young people are completely introverted. By the time they enter the job market, they simply do not know how to interact and communicate with others on a professional or social level.

孩子长大后，这样社交能力的下降可能导致更严重的后果，比如，进入大学以后变得内向，进入职场后，不管涉及业务沟通还是日常交流，不知道如何与同事互动。

In an article published recently by China Youth Daily, concerns were raised about a new trend among middle-aged mothers from small towns who have adult children working in big cities such as Shanghai who are moving in. One young woman interviewed in the article complained that her mother insists on preparing lunch for her every day, which limits her chances of socializing with her work colleagues during lunch time.

《中国青年报》前不久刊登了一篇文章，谈到了中国的妈妈们开始“陪工”，他们从小城市搬到子女工作的大城市去照顾他们。接受采访的一个年轻姑娘说，她妈妈每天非要给她准备午饭，导致她都不能和同事一起吃午饭，她认为“这是必要的同事社交”。

One of my friends, a mother of two girls, works at a large company, but now she is considering quitting her lucrative and rewarding career to devote more time to her daughters' education. To me, that just doesn't make any sense.

This kind of self-sacrifice is also a detriment to the mothers' own life quality. Young mothers who give up all their own interests and career just to tend to their adolescents' studies probably don't have a happy future once their child leaves the nest for college. With nothing else to occupy their time, imagine how lonely and bored they will become.

这种自我牺牲，还会危及妈妈自己的生活质量。年轻的妈妈们为了自己孩子的学业，放弃了自己的职业、兴趣，一旦他们的孩子离开她们，那么他们的生活也将变得没有乐趣了。空虚的生活，大概无法想象她们的生活会变得多么孤独和无聊。

Fortunately, my own mother maintained her social life and hobbies throughout my childhood. Now that I am away at university, she is quite active and has recently signed up for yoga classes.

In the long run, the development of Chinese society as a whole could possibly be held back by this sort of over-nurturing of children.

It's time for Chinese parents to back off and let their child sink or swim on their own. Yes, encourage them to study and learn good personal habits, but also allow them some leisure time to have friends and explore life on their own. This will benefit the child and the parent equally, as it will allow both to develop their own interests, hobbies and friendships.

中国父母是时候放手，让他们的孩子自主沉浮。激励孩子好好学习，引导他们养成良好的个人习惯，但是也要让他们有自己的时间，去探索自己的生活。这不仅对孩子有益，对父母也一样大有好处，因为他们可以独立地发展自己的兴趣爱好，建立自己的朋友圈。

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